November 17, 2021
By Martin Kettelhut
Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash
Among our families and friends, we are experiencing a lot of woe:
Can’t find a job
As a society, we have woes as well:
All the things on our list of human woes are things our foremothers & -fathers had to deal with as well in some way, shape, or form. Wishing life were different puts you at a disadvantage, because you can’t get anywhere if ‘the rubber doesn’t meet the road.’ You’ve got to be with what is if you want to get anywhere.
You might say, “Look, I’m not just wishing things were different, I’m in action to change them.” Great…so long as you’re in action around something that can be changed. If you’re battling any of the woes listed above, then please know that i) not only is resistance futile, but ii) it is the source of suffering, i.e., only makes things worse.
a) Retrace the steps of your foremothers & -fathers. Envision them (without our science, technology, and infrastructure) enduring these same and other woes, staking their hope in the next generations, in you.
b) Now, more than ever, it’s essential to get with those you trust. An evening with loved ones beats an evening of pickling in your own thoughts. Give your attention to them instead. Let’s hold each other accountable for taking a new tack. We are better together.
c) Connect with your Self. When is the last time you gave yourself the space and time to hang out in your truth, your values, your Higher Power?
In order to be able to choose freely and powerfully, you’ll need to get yourself out of reaction-mode first. Reaction-mode refers to: doing what you “should,” tolerating circumstances, worrying about looking good/saving face, avoiding confrontation, trying to get everything done, etc., all of which are reactions to outside forces. We get out of reaction-mode through prayer, meditation, breath-work, or taking a walk in nature. A conversation with your coach can make a huge difference here too.
Once you’re in a state to choose autonomously, sovereignly, ask your Heart, “What is the quality that I intend to bring to this woeful situation I’m in? Who will I be in the matter?”
Allow the quality you choose to embody be one that comes naturally to you—even if it’s new to the current state of affairs. Don’t declare that you’re going to suddenly be confident if that’s not there for you. Perhaps you could approach the same situation with curiosity or understanding instead. If being more demanding and rigid isn’t working, then endeavor to embody honesty or good listening instead.
Pain is unavoidable, so in lieu of combatting life’s woes (causing suffering), these three steps are a bridge to a better you, a better place (inside), from which to relate to life.
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