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    Author: Martin Kettelhut, PhD

    The Ideal Week

    Tip: For the sake of efficacy with this exercise, I encourage you to detach from your current week’s calendar, and also from your thoughts and feel…
    Martin Kettelhut, PhD February 22, 2022

    Restore Wholeness

    Today it’s crucial we discuss the need to be "complete” to make this shift from being upset to embracing growth. If you’re not complete, you don…
    Martin Kettelhut, PhD February 2, 2022

    Self Love

    Here’s the difficulty, I believe, with even imagining what loving myself would look like. When admonished to love myself, I imagine loving the bundl…
    Martin Kettelhut, PhD January 12, 2022

    YOUR WHY

    I recently joined a powerful community of real estate agents, loan officers, and people in surrounding industries; and I’d like to share with you th…
    Martin Kettelhut, PhD January 5, 2022

    WOE

    You might say, “Look, I’m not just wishing things were different, I’m in action to change them.” Great…so long as you’re in action around …
    Martin Kettelhut, PhD November 17, 2021

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    WOE

    Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash

    Among our families and friends, we are experiencing a lot of woe:
    Mental illness
    Cancer/Covid
    Can’t find a job
    Break-up/Separation/Divorce
    Suicide
    Addiction
    Natural Disaster
    Crime

    As a society, we have woes as well:
    Inflation
    International Instability
    Domestic Terrorism
    Covid
    Monopolies
    Social Media
    Global warming
    Collapsing Infrastructure
    Inequality/Discrimination

    Three Steps

    Surrender
    All the things on our list of human woes are things our foremothers & -fathers had to deal with as well in some way, shape, or form. Wishing life were different puts you at a disadvantage, because you can’t get anywhere if ‘the rubber doesn’t meet the road.’ You've got to be with what is if you want to get anywhere.

    You might say, “Look, I’m not just wishing things were different, I’m in action to change them.” Great…so long as you’re in action around something that can be changed. If you’re battling any of the woes listed above, then please know that i) not only is resistance futile, but ii) it is the source of suffering, i.e., only makes things worse.

    Connect
    a) Retrace the steps of your foremothers & -fathers. Envision them (without our science, technology, and infrastructure) enduring these same and other woes, staking their hope in the next generations, in you.

    b) Now, more than ever, it’s essential to get with those you trust. An evening with loved ones beats an evening of pickling in your own thoughts. Give your attention to them instead. Let’s hold each other accountable for taking a new tack. We are better together.

    c) Connect with your Self. When is the last time you gave yourself the space and time to hang out in your truth, your values, your Higher Power?

    Choose
    In order to be able to choose freely and powerfully, you’ll need to get yourself out of reaction-mode first. Reaction-mode refers to: doing what you “should,” tolerating circumstances, worrying about looking good/saving face, avoiding confrontation, trying to get everything done, etc., all of which are reactions to outside forces. We get out of reaction-mode through prayer, meditation, breath-work, or taking a walk in nature. A conversation with your coach can make a huge difference here too.

    Once you’re in a state to choose autonomously, sovereignly, ask your Heart, “What is the quality that I intend to bring to this woeful situation I’m in? Who will I be in the matter?”

    Allow the quality you choose to embody be one that comes naturally to you—even if it’s new to the current state of affairs. Don’t declare that you’re going to suddenly be confident if that’s not there for you. Perhaps you could approach the same situation with curiosity or understanding instead. If being more demanding and rigid isn’t working, then endeavor to embody honesty or good listening instead.

    Pain is unavoidable, so in lieu of combatting life’s woes (causing suffering), these three steps are a bridge to a better you, a better place (inside), from which to relate to life.

    source: ListeningIsTheKey.com

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